Three and a Half

Dear Grayson,

Yesterday, you turned three and a half. It was a beautiful, sunny day and we spent the afternoon outside. You were tired, but seemed to enjoy it. I struggle with words to write to you, because there is so much to say, yet really not much at all. The two things that keep coming to my mind are “I’m sorry” and “I love you”.

I’m sorry your life is so hard. I’m sorry you can’t walk, or talk, or eat. I’m sorry you struggle every day with vomiting. I’m sorry you have to take so much medicine and are attached to a pump all day every day. I’m sorry you have to be in the hospital every time you get sick. I’m sorry you get so tired so easily. I’m sorry you can’t suck your thumb anymore. I’m so, so sorry.

But I love you, and so do so many people. And I love taking care of you. I love holding you, cuddling with you, and tucking you into bed. I love singing to you and making you smile. I love when our family does things and goes places and you get to come. And I will continue to love these things, however long you are with us.

You continue to teach us so much with the testimony of your life. You teach me I can’t plan for everything, control most things, or predict the future, but I can live and enjoy each day for what it is: another day with you. You teach your Daddy patience, and how to love completely and unconditionally a son who isn’t at all who he had pictured in his mind before you were born. And you teach  your little sister empathy and gentleness; she adores you and wants to take care of you.

I am so very blessed to be your mommy, Grayson. I love you to the moon and back.



  1. Erin on March 23, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    Happy happy 3.5 to Grayson! I'm at a loss for what to say, but know we love him and you all very very much! xoxo

  2. thenelipotmommy on March 23, 2014 at 6:50 pm

    He is so precious! Look at that smile. Pure joy and love! You have an angel living in your home. <3

  3. allthesunforyou on March 24, 2014 at 4:14 am

    I can't believe Grayson is almost 4 – where has the time gone? I remember “meeting” him two years ago when we all came together through PAIL. That seems like yesterday.

    Grayson is a special boy – no doubt. He is a boy who has more people thinking of him than any of you can count, and his smile makes us all happy. My heart breaks for you as time passes and things stand still or get harder. You are a very strong person, Elizabeth – much stronger than you probably know.

    Hugs and love to you all!

  4. Esperanza on March 25, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    Oh, sweet Grayson! 3.5!!! You're getting so big. I feel honored to “know” you and I'm so touched to have you in my life. I hope I get to meet you in person some day, and annoy you with tons of kisses. Promise you'll play some of your favorite Veggie Tales tunes for me? 😉

  5. missohkay on March 27, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    Oh how bittersweet. Happy half-birthday, Grayson! I know you feel how much you're loved.

  6. Karen on March 28, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Beautiful words. We love you Grayson, even though we've never met you! You are always on my mind!

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