As of yesterday, I am 37 weeks. My sweet friend J texted me yesterday while we were on the way to church- “Happy Full Term Day!” She’s great. And I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe there’s an actual, fully formed little baby moving around inside me, and now we are just waiting for him/her to decide to come on out and meet us.
I am ready. Last week, I was so stressed and was feeling pretty horrible, and I wanted to evict this little one for physical reasons. Now, I’m just excited. Bring on the craziness!
I do want to stay pregnant at least through Thursday. If you could keep Thursday in your thoughts and prayers, that would be much appreciated. We are meeting with a geneticist to hopefully find out that Grayson has a genetic confirmation of his diagnosis of Leighs. Right now, he has a clinical diagnosis, but if we get genetic confirmation, there’s a good chance he will be able to get on a clinical trial for a drug that could really help him. I’m not hugely optimistic this will happen Thursday (the genetic diagnosis), but remain hopeful.
I’ve read several bloggers’ musings on birth this week, specifically how their first birth experiences were completely against what they wanted and had planned, and how those experiences left significant emotional scars. Fortunately, I had a very good experience with Grayson’s birth and am actually very much looking forward to giving birth again. However, I do have several aspects that I hope go differently. Last time, my water broke so I was induced when I got to the hospital. I’m hoping I can experience more “natural” contractions this time, and hopefully labor some at home, although I will still get an epidural at some point. If possible, I want to do delayed cord clamping and skin to skin right away.
Breastfeeding is my biggest anxiety-inducer. I do have emotional scars from last time, and there’s the point that we won’t know if this baby is healthy or not when s/he is born. I am planning on giving it my best shot, working with a lactation consultant, and watching wet diapers like a hawk. Beyond that, there’s not much I can do. If it works it works, and if not, well, formula will be just.fine.
But for now, we wait. And pack the house for movers next week. And do laundry, clean up vomit, and fit in a few last therapy sessions and doctors appoinments. And I’m trying to enjoy these last few days or weeks of pregnancy, because I know I will miss it when it’s over.