Tension. There’s been a lot of it in our house lately. And the tension has been over…stuff. Material stuff. Stuff we can’t take with us when we die. Stupid.
We have a house. We have two paid-off, reliable cars. We have clothes. Mostly outdated and unfashionable clothes, but clothes nonetheless. Our son has more toys and baby contraptions than he really needs, and an adorable nursery (yes, I admit, I am very materialistic when it comes to baby decor).
Every evening we straighten up the living room and it takes a good 15 minutes to put the stuff where it goes. It’s annoying, and I wish there was less of it. So why do we want more when we wish there was less?
Our Sunday school lesson this morning was on contentment. We discussed how greed is just a vicious cycle- we think, “If I just get ___, then I’ll be satisfied.” Um, no we won’t. There will always be something bigger, something newer, something more trendy then what we have.
I want to stop that cycle. I wish it was possible to just decide that. Just to say, “I’m now content- I don’t need anything else.” But then there’s the month that’s left at the end of the money, and contentment is nowhere to be found.
The thing that is most frustrating to me is most of the “stuff” I really want I don’t see as frivolous. I want Grayson and all our future kids to go to private school (I was a student and teacher in both private and public school and in my experience, private is better). I want my kids to be able to to do stuff like go to summer camp, play select sports, and go on school trips to Europe. I want to be able to go on vacation with my family. I just want options.
But right now I just want the tension to be gone. I want to enjoy the rest of our summer without the stress of how we are going to pay for ________ five years from now. I’m tired of the arguing, the hurt feelings, and the frustration.
So I’m adding “Contentment” to my list of things to work on- along with “Lose Weight”, “Learn to be a Better Cook” and “Not be So Annoyed with my Dogs.”
We’ll see how it goes.