For a few years now, I’ve really had a heart for adoption. I knew I wanted to have a biological child, and now that I have, I really want to experience pregnancy and giving birth again, if possible. But when I picture our complete family, there’s a little girl from China in that picture.

When Ryan and I were struggling to conceive, we actually went to a Chinese adoption seminar. We learned a lot about the process and the loooonnngg wait to adopt a healthy infant (which by now is I’m sure even longer). The family giving the seminar was there with their three adorable Chinese girls, who played under the table in the library conference room and sweetly gave us hugs at the end of the meeting. The parents really encouraged us to look into the Waiting Child program for adopting special needs kids. At the time, I thought I could do that. I could parent a child with special needs.

Well, apparently I can do it. I am doing it. Grayson has special needs, and while sometimes stressful and overwhelming, I think I am handling this well. I am actually surprised at how strong I am. I’m not trying to be conceited, and I hope that’s not how that comes across. I just know I am Grayson’s mommy, but he’s truly God’s child, and God trusts me with his life.

So lately I’ve been thinking about adoption again. Adding another child to our family is most likely further in the future than our original plan, because Grayson needs our complete focus, energy and financial resources right now. But someday, I know we will be ready for #2. Whether he or she will be biological or adopted, I don’t know. If you ask me my “plan” I would tell you #2 biological and #3 adopted. But we all know how plans work out…

The questions I ask myself: Could we parent and afford 2 special needs kids? If we adopted a child with a similar disability as Grayson, would that be positive for him? If our second child has no issues, would having 2 siblings that do be fair to him or her? Could we even afford to adopt at all?

I don’t know the answer to any of these questions, and thankfully, I don’t need to even think about them seriously right now, tomorrow, or next week. It’s something so far in the future that may or may not even fit into our life in that future. But I do see that little girl in that picture.

Adoption is a wonderful, amazing thing. There are millions of children all over the world that need loving homes. Unfortunately adoption is EXPENSIVE- crazy expensive. There’s a great blog I read and the author and her husband are adopting a baby who is due next month. They have been working like crazy to try and raise the funds to adopt this child. This weekend, they are holding their second online auction to raise the rest of the money they need. Check it out: there’s some really great stuff for sale!

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