Oh, TimeHop, I love you. Some days you make me sad and wistful, but most days you just make me smile. You are a nostalgic reminder of the highlight reel that is most of my social media feeds. I love looking at back at my teeny tiny babies, my in-another-life dog shenanigans, and my decade old vacation photos (yes, it’s been that long since I’ve been on vacation).

This morning, TimeHop, you made me laugh out loud. I was absentmindedly picking up random clothes, books and toys off the kids’ bedroom floor while scrolling through the app, and I came across this picture from 8 years ago, one month pre-children.

This was Grayson’s nursery, the room I spent hours and hours planning and decorating. I painted all the artwork, spent way too much money on the bedding, and carefully placed every accessory. It was perfect, and I loved it. I miss it.

Fast forward 8 years, and Grayson’s room now looks like a medical clinic, and my little kids share a room. And just because the contrast is so absurd, I snapped a picture of the current state of their bedroom.

What can I say, I seem to have relaxed my standards a bit.

But really, this is such a picture of my experience of motherhood. From my expectations of a sweet, orderly, “perfect” life to one that is still sweet, but disorderly, imperfect, and well…messy. But if you look closely, that diaper box is actually a “lizard house” that Charlotte made, complete with drawn staircases and tiny doll furniture inside. The guitar on the floor has accompanied countless verses of songs sung in tiny toddler voices. The open drawers are stuffed full of too-small clothes, evidence of healthy, growing children.

Yes, it’s a mess, but it’s also full of life. And also, I really need a vacation.