We’ve had an unfortunate situation unfold over the past two weeks and I’m just a mess of emotions: super angry (livid and furious at times) and embarrassed, but mostly just heartbroken. I fixture in our family’s life, and especially Grayson’s, is gone, and the way it happened was honestly shocking and hurtful.

So, that being said, we are searching for another nurse for G.  We have a nurse in our home five nights a week for a total of 60 hours. That’s a lot of time to have someone in my home, especially a stranger. It’s just annoying and uncomfortable to start this process over again to try to find the right fit for G and for our family. And I do realize what we’ve had is super uncommon- having one nurse for three years-but I miss it. And although I’m hurt and angry about what happened, I miss having her around. We considered her part of our family and she knew it.

We are trying out a FIFTH new nurse tonight. We actually had a great one for two months but when we moved the drive was just too far for her. The one who is here tonight is actually great so far, so maybe she will be a good fit. I hope so.

I keep thinking about Grayson in this crazy situation- how confused he must be. He adored his nurse, and one day she was gone. And since then, he’s moved to a brand new house and there’s been a parade of strangers taking care of him at night. I often wonder how much he remembers and processes.

I registered Grayson for Kindergarten this morning. SO STRANGE. It wasn’t emotional at all, like most people talk about. And I think it’s because for me it doesn’t feel like I’m really registering him for Kindergarten. He won’t be in a Kindergarten classroom, and may or may not even be at the school I registered him at, which is in our neighborhood. But even though I don’t have the touchy-feely emotions about this milestone, I am excited for him. We will miss his current school terribly, but I’m feeling hopeful that this change will be a great thing for him.

I was thinking back today about how much I used to write about the details of Grayson’s days, and I just don’t do that much anymore. And honestly, it’s because there’s not that much to write about right now. G is stable, and is definitely my easiest kid to take care of at this point. He still loves his Veggie Tales, hanging out in his beanbag chair, and just being loved. He reminds me to slow down and calm down. And I know we will find the right nurse for him, hopefully soon.