Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words of support on yesterday’s post. I’m feeling a lot better about things today. Physically, I’m exhausted and hurting, but as I was packing teeny tiny newborn outfits in pink and blue in my hospital bag today, I regained the perspective that this is all for a good cause. Because after all, I am having a baby. Another child that I will love as much as I love Grayson? Wow, that’s going to be amazing. And that certainly overshadows any stress, fear, or pain I’m feeling.
And, as my bloggy friend Stef pointed out in her comment, what I’m really stressed about is the unknown. I have no idea how the next few months (or years, whatever) are going to play out, but they will. When people say “I don’t know how you do it” when referring to Grayson, I always say that I don’t have a choice. Sure, I don’t do it perfectly, but I’ve learned a ton over the past 2 years about a lot of things I never would have dreamed I would be dealing with. And it will be the same with having 2 kids- I’m smart, I’ll figure it out.
And as several other friends pointed out, the guilt I will feel is probably unavoidable, but the good news is for this new baby, our crazy life will he his/her normal. Doctors appointments, therapies, vomit, seizures, tubes…it won’t be anything s/he will bat an eye at. And I’ve heard so many times that siblings of special needs kids develop incredibly soft hearts and amazing empathy. I hope that is true for Baby C.
Grayson had a good day today. It was his first day back at school and he was obviously excited to see his teachers (and must have been soaking up all that learning because he didn’t take a nap- oy). When we got home we spent some time rocking, singing and giggling; I’m soaking up every second I can with my sweet boy, while it’s just us for a few more weeks.