So many thoughts, fears, and praises are swimming in my head right now.
Almost two years ago, you made me a Mommy. I was a mommy the minute I was aware there was a life growing inside me. That little life is yours and will always be yours, but you have trusted me and his Daddy to raise him, teach him, and make sure he gets the best in this life.
The thing is, I wasn’t ready for Grayson. What do I know about raising a special needs child? What qualifies me to be his mommy? The last six weeks have been tough, and I’m afraid, so afraid, things are going to get tougher. I’m asking, why me? not in a complaining way, but in a genuinely curious way. I’m not stronger, or more special, or more capable than any of my friends with typical kids, so why am I trusted with caring for this little boy who most likely has a disease more complex than I feel capable of understanding?
I guess now I have a little more understanding and empathy for Mary, who probably asked why me? a thousand times while raising your Son on earth.
Tomorrow, our little boy is having surgery. Yes, it’s routine. No, it’s not the riskiest procedure. But it’s still terrifying. I’m going to be so scared tomorrow to hand him over to a doctor who will put him to sleep. I know you will be in that operating room, holding Grayson’s hand, guiding the doctors’ hands, and I know the prayers of hundreds will be covering my sweet boy.
I know you will be with me tomorrow too, and for the rest of this journey. I am humbled and amazed at how your kindness and grace has covered our family since Grayson came into our lives. I am encouraged daily by women you’ve placed in my life in just the past year who I most likely would have never met had things been different. You have provided in ways and through people that are nothing short of miracles.
So tomorrow, please protect Grayson. Hold his little body so that he has no negative effects from the anesthesia, and please make sure that tube is placed perfectly. Thank you for trusting me with this wonderfully unique, perfectly made little guy. I love him so, so much and I know you love him more.