Yesterday was my first day back to “real life”. For two weeks my mom had been taking and picking Grayson up from school, I hadn’t been driving, and really all I had to focus on was recovering from childbirth and taking care of Charlotte. But yesterday, I was set to do it by myself. I got two babies dressed and loaded in the car, myself dressed (sort of), and we headed to school. I was feeling confident and proud that I was managing this so well. Granted, it was noon before we got there- G’s school had a late start time yesterday and he decided to take an almost 3 hour nap in the morning, which should have been a red flag that something was off with him.

My worst fear when I was pregnant and thinking about managing Grayson and a baby was having to call an ambulance for him and having a baby (who can’t ride in an ambulance with me). Well, nothing like trial by fire- two weeks in and that’s exactly what happened. Grayson had the longest seizure he’s ever had yesterday; it lasted 35 minutes even after giving him Diastat, and then he had more smaller seizures for another 30 minutes after that. I am so, so thankful that I was with my friend T when we called the ambulance. I was able to ride with Grayson to the hospital and T followed the ambulance with Charlotte and waited with her in the parking lot so I didn’t have to expose her to the nastiness that is the ER. Ryan met us at the hospital and I reluctantly left Grayson with him and my mom and left to take care of my other baby, who literally very physically needs me right now.

I imagine this is how it’s going to be a lot of the time- Ryan and I having to divide and conquer between the kids. Having to rely on family and friends for help, because there is no way we can do this on our own. Having to check my guilty feelings and realize there’s no place for them; I am doing the best I can and I can’t be two places at once.

Grayson spent the night in the hospital last night and had an EEG this morning. His Daddy and Grammie were with him the whole time and he was no worse off than he would be had Mommy been there too. His little sister was held and fed all day long, which is where I needed to be today. When he got home, I hugged him tight, bathed him, and sang to him before he drifted off to sleep. My sweet little boy.

I knew this was going to be hard, and adding a baby was going to further complicate our already crazy life. But yesterday and today proved that as crazy as it is, we can do it and will handle anything thrown our way. But tomorrow, the biggest thing I hope I accomplish is actually getting Grayson to school on time.