I am leaving for North Carolina on Wednesday. Sadly, I missed saying goodbye to my grandfather one last time; he passed away peacefully in Saturday evening. I am trying not to feel guilty or upset that I wasn’t there last week but rather focus on remembering the wonderful memories I have of a man who loved the Lord, his family, classical music, and telling (sometimes inappropriate) jokes.

There is, of course, lots to do before Wednesday. I am going by myself; Grayson will stay home with Ryan and his nurse. Ryan is completely capable and I know things will be great at home, but I need to write instructions on stuff that I always handle- medication amounts and times, feeding times, therapy appointments, etc. I also need to find something to wear to the funeral and wash the clothes I’m taking. Have I done any of the above? No.

I did take care of one thing on my list of to-dos today- Grayson and I both got much needed haircuts. I’d been trying to grow my hair long for awhile, and I always liked how it looked right after I blowdried and straightened it, but 5 minutes later, not so much. So I got a few inches cut off and some layers- much better. Grayson of course looks A.DOR.A.BLE every time he gets his hair cut- makes me want to take him every 2-3 weeks!

Tomorrow, Grayson has a GI appointment in the morning and I have an OB appointment in the afternoon. I am anxious to talk to the GI because although bolus feeds are going relatively well (currently we are doing three 1.5 hour feeds during the day and continuous at night), he is still vomiting more frequently than I would like and is gagging and choking on his saliva a lot. And we just cannot push the rate any faster than we are right now or he can’t keep the feed down. Ideally, we would like a feed to last 20-30 minutes, a far cry from 1.5 hours for the same volume. He is not on any medication right now for his delayed gastric emptying, and I’m wondering if the GI will want us to restart those meds. Oral feedings are still going pretty well- he hasn’t eaten as good as the burrito from the other day, but continues to taste most things we offer him.

Pregnancy-wise, I am starting to feel a little bit better- I still am really nauseous and pukey most mornings and evenings, but I’ve been ok during the day for the most part. The craziest thing is I am already “showing”- if you count a lumpy, gross stomach sticking out as showing. This happened literally overnight. I am trying to embrace the fact that I feel huge and gross right now (I know, it’s only the beginning), but somehow my body changing isn’t nearly as fun and exciting the second time around. I am praying for a nice, boring, routine doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon with a healthy heartbeat! We gave the nurse the day off tomorrow since we are going to the doctor, but Ryan has to be at work at the time of my appointment, so I’ll have to take Grayson with me. Another reason I need a boring, routine appointment- I want it to be quick before Mr. Drama has a chance to be up to any of his antics!